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Does an Absentee Divorced Dad Walk his Daughter Down the Aisle?

Q. My daughter will be getting married next year. I have been a single parent for 20 years, her father out of the picture for 17 years. My family helped me raise the children.

Three years ago my ex started paying support again and is trying to be as much a part of their lives as they will let him be. In conversations, my ex indicates his responsibility to pay for part of the wedding as the father of the bride.

I feel he also has the plan to walk her down the isle. My daughter is torn about this. She feels that my brother, who has been like a dad to her, should have the honor. However, she also feels like her father should also, especially since he will be helping with the cost of the wedding.

My brother, who thinks of my daughter like his own, has 2 daughters of his own, so it’s not like he will never get to walk a daughter down the isle, but I think he might be hurt if he didn’t get to walk my daughter. My ex, however, only has 1 daughter, so this is his only opportunity.

What would be the proper way to handle this situation?

A. There are a number of options and here are just a few of them:

If you and your ex don't share hostility between you, you can both walk your daughter down the aisle, regardless of your religions (it has been a Jewish tradition to have both parents accompany the bride down the aisle, but there is nothing wrong with following this in a non-Jewish ceremony).

You could have your brother walk her half way down the aisle, and her father walk with her the rest of the way.

You and your brother could precede your daughter down the aisle, with her father following her, or a variation on this (your brother precede only, you precede only, her father precede and one or both of you and your brother follow).

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