HOME >> WEDDING ETIQUETTE >> Q & A

Wedding Etiquette Questions: Ask the Etiquist

How should divorced parents be seated at the ceremony, and must they greet guests at the reception together?

Q. My significant other was divorced 4 1/2 years ago after a 25 year marriage. His daughter will be married in November. (It was not a pleasant divorce and the mother of the bride is not very pleasant to me, including excluding me from things such as showers and bachlorette parties, and not wanting me to be around the morning of the wedding.) We have 2 questions.

1. In what order or what pew does the mother of the bride, her guest, the father of the bride and I sit for the wedding ceremony?

2. Does etiquette dictate that the Divorced Mother and Father of the Bride together greet family and friends after the meal at the reception.

The bride and I get along great and she is upset with her mother for excluding me but thankful that I back down and not cause a scene for her day.

A. In your situation, etiquette indicates that the mother of the bride and her significant other (if applicable) sit in the first row pew, and you and her father be seated in the second row. If hostility levels are quite high, you and her father should be seated in the third row, leaving a buffer row in the middle where siblings and grandparents can be seated.

Regarding greeting guests at the reception, etiquette should never dictate discomfort - it's really just a guide and not a behavioral dictate. If the parents shared the cost of the wedding, I'd suggest they greet guests seperately, with one of them starting the rounds and the other following some time later to avoid an overlap. If one of the parents is concerned that the other may try to dawdle in order to force unwanted togetherness, the worried parent would be wise to be the first to make the rounds.

If only one of the parents paid for the wedding, then only that host parent need make the rounds to thank the guests for attending. The other parent could visit with family and friends while mingling at the celebration.

Do you have a question on wedding etiquette? Submit your wedding etiquette questions to the Etiquist