Wedding Etiquette Questions: Ask the Etiquist

If You Split the Cost of the Wedding, Do You Split the Cost of the Rehearsal Dinner?

Q. Our son is getting married. Since money is tight, the bride's mother asked us if we could pay for half the wedding. We agreed. We also have paid for the church and the dj. We forgot about a rehearsal dinner. Since money is tight with us, we would like to ask the bride's mother to pay for half the rehearsal dinner. Any suggestions?

A. As it seems your families have agreed to let go of the traditional "who pays for what" in the rest of the wedding, I see no reason to stop now. I think the payment for the rehearsal dinner should be treated as the other wedding expenses have.

Without knowing how formal your party will be, I suggest considering a less traditional/formal/expensive rehearsal dinner and perhaps opting for something off beat and potentially more fun.

If you and the bride's mother can come up with a budget that you both agree on, maybe you can invest it in having someone in the group of family and friends participating host it at their home. If the weather and circumstances fit, a barbeque or pot luck could be a great way to break the ice (further) between families. With a pot luck, everyone could be asked to bring a favorite dish plus the recipe for it to give to the couple. If the budget can cover it, a professional maid or cleaning service could be hired for an hour to clean up, so no one is at a distinct disadvantage.

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