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Wedding Etiquette Questions: Ask the Etiquist

What are the Financial Responsibilites of the Parent's of a Second Bride or and Older Bride?

Q. Our older daughter married secretly when she was in her teens. While still in her early 20's she divorced her first husband and married her second husband in a normal church ceremony.

Our younger daughter did not marry until she was 37 years old, after we
were in our late 60's and retired on a fixed income.

In both cases, we voluntarily and gladly paid for the wedding receptions. Of course, they both duly thanked us for the financial assistance we provided at the time. But now, after some time has elapsed, they seem to be implying that "by rights, and according to the established rules of etiquette," we should have provided MORE financial assistance for both their weddings, possibly to include funding the whole affair, from bridal gowns to invitations, flowers, etc., plus the usual traditional receptions. Did we do something wrong?

A. In the case of your older daughter, you were under no traditional obligation to pay for any wedding expenses. Regardless of whether or not you contributed to the financing of her first wedding, the bride and groom themselves typically split the costs of a second wedding. Any assistance offered by either of their parents may, of course, be graciously accepted.

In the case of your younger daughter, brides and grooms of her age usually pay for their weddings themselves.

So, in neither case were you under any traditional obligation to fund any wedding expenses.

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