Wedding Etiquette Questions: Ask the Etiquist

Who gets to choose the location of the rehearsal dinner?

Q. Our son (my step son) is getting married soon. We want to host a rehearsal dinner. We have ideas on what we would like to do, but our son has nixed our ideas and has made plans of his own, but expects us to pay for the dinner. The difference being that my wife and I would like to go to a bit nicer restaurant than what our son has picked.

My question is if we (as groom’s parents) are hosting the rehearsal dinner, do we get to choose the location?

A. This is an unusual question, in that your budget exceeds your son's desires - a very happy dilemma for some parents!

Traditionally, since you are picking up the tab, what you say goes. But keep in mind that a rehearsal dinner can be a very informal - and fun! - celebration and need not reflect the formality of the wedding in the least.

Only you know how high your family's emotions are running concerning the wedding though, so if you think insisting on a location that you son truly doesn't like will cause negative feelings and dampen the celebration, it would be wise to try to work out a compromise. But rest assured that your decision is traditionally the final say.

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