Wedding Etiquette Questions: Ask the Etiquist

How do you let guest know you don't want gifts at a second wedding?

Q. Do you have any suggestions for how to handle gifts at a 2nd wedding? The bride and groom both have all they need but do not want to offend anyone . Is it appropriate to suggest no gifts or possibly suggest a donation to a charity? Any ideas or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you very much.

A. According to the rules of etiquette, gifts are not required at a second wedding, since wedding gifts are traditionally meant to help a couple set up their first home and presumably the second wedding couple already have their own homes.

However, it's become very common for guests to give gifts at second weddings these days and gift registries have become typical for second weddings.

If the couple prefers NOT to receive gifts, it is perfectly appropriate for them to pick a couple of charities and request that donations be made in their names in lieu of gifts.

It is never appropriate to mention gift registries on invitations, and that information is usually disseminated through the grape vine. The same method would work for the charitable donations.

It would not be appropriate to mention the charities on wedding invitations, since that would presume that guests intended on giving gifts, and not all of them may.

Do you have a question on wedding etiquette? Submit your wedding etiquette questions to the Etiquist