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TIPS ON CONDUCTING YOUR OWN WEDDING REHEARSAL

by Rev. James Wentz

The wedding ceremony is the thoughtful, dramatic launch for your memorable day.

A wedding rehearsal is the stable launch-pad for a successful ceremony flight, to insure that all persons involved are self-confident in the particular role they are asked to play.

Catering establishments which provide on-site chapel space typically include a staff person to conduct a rehearsal just prior to the ceremony (be sure to check with them about this), usually with the bride absent if the groom is not to see her gowned prior to her walking down the aisle. Even if the bride is present a last minute rehearsal can be problematic since caterers have their set style of doing them, which, while not inappropriate, may not be what the couple actually want, and time may not permit to do anything other than the caterer’s standard procedure.

Some clergy require that not only there be a rehearsal but that he or she conduct it, and incorporate their expense for it into their overall fee.

Other clergy, such as this author, are willing to conduct one for an additional amount, if available, which is more possible if it is scheduled a few days before the wedding on a weeknight versus the weekend (preferably at the same location as the ceremony).

At the wedding ceremony planning interview I tell couples that ideally a rehearsal should be conducted by an EXPERIENCED professional (if service pens were issued mine would indicate 23 years). But I also offer to share with couples my “secret” strategy (at no cost) so they can do it themselves if they so choose, and save some dollars in a strained budget, or one that already is approaching outer space.

Here I spill the beans to the world.

You conduct the rehearsal backwards. [Note: The gait walking in and out is VERY slowly (no lock-step); recall your graduation pace to Elgar’s “Pomp and Circumstance”—and the gentlemen have their palm on their belly button so the lady they are escorting can easily hold the gentleman’s arm at his bent elbow. Also, the whole length of the aisle is the distance between each pair or person, except for very young ring bearers and flower girls.]

1. If there is a receiving line following the recessional, this is formed first, so that everyone knows who they are standing next to when the guests file past to congratulate the bride and groom. (Despite what you may read, there is no right or wrong sequence...I like the idea of the two mothers first, then the bride and groom, then the fathers, then the maid / matron of honor, best man, etc.)
   
   
2. Now, you break ranks and go to the area where the ceremony is to take place and position a chair for the imaginary clergy, which is the center focal point for all members of the wedding party to arc around—which, with the bride and groom directly in front of the “clergy-chair”, allows all attendants to see the couple during the ceremony because of the inward curve toward them (imagine a half moon with the clergy near the center of the moon circle). The parents are in their seats in the front row [the place of honor for each mother is the AISLE seat, so that they can twist around and when the bride is about to come down the aisle they stand (to signal all guests to do the same) having already sat when they were escorted to their seat, and when the bride and groom are in front of the clergy the mothers now sit to signal the guests again to do the same.]
   
   
3. Next, you practice the RECESSIONAL (“walking out”) with the bride and groom down the aisle first. After the kiss and the couple have turned to walk down the aisle the maid of honor now hands back the bride’s pretend flowers (a pen or pencil) and actually goes through the motions of assisting the bride with her imaginary train...[her own pretend flowers (another pen) have been held by the bridesmaid next to her from the time the maid of honor arrived in position]...now the bride takes the groom’s arm and they walk past the imaginary train by a few feet and stop to let the maid of honor fluff it fully with her two free hands...now the maid of honor takes her own “flowers” and the arm of the best man and they go next, and so forth, with the bride’s mother and father following the last usher and bridesmaid, and then the groom’s mother and father the very last (unless grandparents have been part of the processional then they are last). The distance between pairs walking out is about half the length of the aisle, unless the photographer is taking exit shots, then the full length.



4. Now the receiving line is formed at the rear, which has already been practiced. (On the wedding day hugs and kisses can first be exchanged with parents, etc., and if necessary the best man can ward off the oncoming guests until the receiving line is completely formed.)
   
   
5. Next, everyone goes back to the ceremony area and again take their positions, as previously practiced.
   
   
6. Now, the RECESSIONAL is done again, but this time the column stays intact, and when it is completely to the rear, the bride and groom stop, turn around and shout “Freeze...everybody turn around and face the front...stay with your partner”.
   
   
7. The line up for the PROCESSIONAL (“walking in”) is now essentially formed—Note: the people last out of the recessional are the first people down the aisle of the processional—except for a few adjustments:
   • the ring boy(s) and flower girl(s), if any, are inserted in the line up if they did not exit as part of the recessional [If the flower girl is throwing petals she immediately precedes the bride to pave her way];
   • The groom and the best man go forward (the maid of honor walks in alone) to the ceremony area and take their positions with the clergy (unless they are walking in together as part of the processional);
   • The bride’s escort (father) joins her;
   • the bride’s mother’s escort (need not be a member of wedding party, perhaps the bride’s uncle, etc.) joins the line and the same for the groom’s mother if she is not being escorted by the groom’s father.
     
     
8. Now the PROCESSIONAL is practiced...at the ceremony area everyone knows where to go because they have just come, twice, from where they are supposed to be! (As soon as the bride is in position in front of the clergy the maid of honor pretends to fluff her train with her two free hands, having handed her own “flowers” off immediately upon arrival to the bridesmaid next to her.)
   
   
9. Now everything can be practiced as many times as necessary so everyone has “got it”.

Depending on the size of your wedding party one to two hours should be allowed for the rehearsal...except perhaps, a little more time might be added based on how much your crazy bunch of friends are likely to clown around since no clergy authority figure is present to pull rank.

A piece of cake!—wedding cake, that is.

© 2003 Rev. James Wentz. Website: www.revido.com